The Cylons have overrun my digestive tract

The end of Lost

I have a recurring mental problem, some kind of character glitch or addiction where I have to watch the series finale of a show even if I've never watched it before. I just like when things end. This can be problematic at times (see last episode of All Saints), but it's just the way Gepetto and his little baby Jesus made me. So it is with great excitement that I welcome the end of Lost.

But so I know what the 'hey there's Jim from Neighbours doing a terrible American accent' is going on I watched Sara Bernincas's informative catch-up of the last 6 years of Lost. Watch it in all of it's Party of Five referential and Angelina Jolie box eating glory.

I just can't wait to find out what the hatch, the plane crash and that annoying little kid with the dog were all about. I also hope they explain in the finale how the co-host of 1990's Australian Gladiator ended up as a flight attendant.



Via The Vine and Defamer.

Drawing of a child - present for Chris

Just another day in Rio really. Good times.

Oh shit it's an ad - Nike

It's hard not to like an ad that has a massively aspirational idea, an epically well spent production budget and the directorial prowess of Amores Perros and Babel helmer Alejandro González Iñárritu.

That and the fact Nike not only pilaged their stable of soccer (there are already 3 too many footy codes for it to be called football in Australia) stars but also managed to throw in Kobe, R-Fed, Gael García Bernal and most importantly Homer in for good measure.

You've all probably already watched it three times, but if you've been hanging out in Dame Helen Mirren's ample lady-vagina, it's time to get balls deep and write the future below.

Robin Hood

Russel Crowe and Ridley Scott continue their deep and lasting bromance in tights with the 40,000th screen adaption of Robin Hood in this dimension alone (Stephen Hawkings is among many prominent figures to theorise that there is in fact at least one parallel universe populated solely with Robin Hoods).

While starting with promise Scott's film, like Crowe's frame, bloats ridiculously out of control to the point that not even Cate Blanchet can act her way out of the French's D-Day landing complete with WWII troop carriers or a cavalry of English child soldiers on Shetland ponies. But at least the Peterborough tourism board will have something to finally talk about, and for that I give it 3 stars.

People of Sydney: Potts Point market Lady

YouTube what did I do without you?

How could you possibly improve on Benny Hill? Have the Kim Jong Il spend his dying days engineering a prawn that can single-handedly (well prawn's have 10 limbs) bring down America and run on a tredmill to the Benny Hill music. The only failing with this plan is that Kim didn't mutate the prawn to have naturally-massive 70's-style tits to flash half way through the skit. Shame.



Thanks Fi

People of Sydney: Tassels

Learn to Act

Before I've offered you acting lesson's from James Franco. But this woman, Merilyn Hughes is a movie star. She has pathos, eye contact and great makeup. Be sure to also check out some of her friends who have also studied alongside her at the Sarantos Studios For Acting. They are all thespians (which must be why Merilyn wants to tack breasts to the bottom of her shoe) of the highest order. This is the drama school I should've gone to, then maybe I'd be starring as an almost convincing pool-boy #2 in a home made porno called 'Clean my Filter and my Fagina' right about now.

Merilyn Hughes – she is the Meryl Streep of You Tube


Jennifer Kane – can't stand it when she touches her, which probably explains why she walks to open-legged


Katherine Contreras - awkward


And then there's this dude

People of Sydney: Cleopatra

Art & Copy

A documentary about advertising runs the risk of being an industry version of soggy sao, and this one for a large part is. Often feeling like an infomercial for evangelical Christianity with long pondering shots of griddlocked freeway traffic in LA, sunbasked cityscapes and a gleaming rocket ripe for climax, all covered with industry 'facts and figures'.

But what is interesting and inspiring are the words of greats like Dan Wieden and David Kennedy, Hal Riney, Mary Wells, Cliff Freeman, Jim Durfee, Lee Clow and Liz Dolan the former head of marketing at Nike.

YouTube what did I do without you?

There is one thing most castings are missing it is sexy, sexy - species confused eagles.

People of Sydney: Gotta Dolla

The internet is a very special place - Dinosaur sexy times

For some things, people have a calling. A vocation that gives their life true meaning. And I think I may have finally found mine in The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer's Association. A group of fine people who love dinosaurs, to well, love other dinosaurs.

Because if a Tyrannosaurus Rex can learn how to use its tiny arms' to grope a Dioplodocus, or a Quetzalcoatlus can learn to put a Triceratops' horns to good use, or a Stegosaurus can learn to enjoy being gangbanged by a pack of eager Velociraptor, then why can't we learn to open up our cold-cruel our hearts and let them?

It will all be fine as long as no one has to see Jeff Goldblum naked. Now that would be a step too far.

- Thanks Adrian.

YouTube what did I do without you?

Some things in this world just can't be explained. And in my experience a lot of them originate in Japan. I really have no words for this. Well actually I do. I have three. Japanese. Black. Face. So wrong. And yet so right.

Thanks Rain

Things with speech bubbles - Hot Lady Coach

Things with speech bubbles - Hon. Kevin Rudd PM

The land of the free and the money back guarantee: ET phone sexline

No one likes to be fiddled with after they've been knocked out telepathically. Especially by alien creatures from Uranus. So inventor and alien war expert Michael Menkin has developed a helmet that will protect you from aliens. And you can make it all by yourself. Doesn't Michael know I'm lazy, and would much rather order one over the internet?

His Velostat (a conductive packing material owned by the 3M post-it people) lined hats block all forms of alien telepathy so they aliens can't knock you out.

But does this stop them from abducting you? Don't they use teleportation - I've seen V and Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Which I guess means you get to remain completely lucid (thanks to the powers of Velostat) through the entire process of anal probing for their scientific research (I wonder if the Japanese whaling fleet have ever considered this in their research efforts?).

Some of the fun facts about aliens and their war on human-people like you and me - you guys aren't aliens right? - are so interesting. Like the excerpt below about alien-hybrid babies (Haven't aliens heard that the Toyota Prius has been recalled?):

"Vitamin C to kill implanted alien-hybrid embryos

One woman who now wears a thought screen helmet along with her husband reports that she killed four alien-hybrid fetuses in a row by taking a gram of vitamin C every hour for weeks. She used her alarm clock at night to awaken her. She reported that she could no longer feel the fetuses moving and the aliens were very angry at the deaths of the alien-hybrids they implanted in her. The aliens did remove a dead alien-hybrid fetus before implanting a live one at another time. This was before she started wearing a thought screen helmet.

These events confirm the findings of Professor David Jacobs who says in his book, The Threat, that the main purpose of alien abductions is to create a new race of alien-human hybrids who are now starting to inhabit the earth. Unfortunately these adult alien-human hybrids come in pairs and forcedly remove helmets from abductees. However, the thought screen helmet still works for people who are only abducted by the creators of these alien-human hybrids."

Wow oh wow. Check it all here stopabductions.com

Thanks Taimi