Happy Birthday President Obama

I hope Michelle makes him an ice cream cake. Although being President he can order off the menu. I'd order the following:

Spaghetti and meatballs
6 shredded beef tacos
Spaghetti bolognase
A platter of assorted burritos, quesadillas, enchiladas and taquitos
Chilli crab spaghetti
Assorted salmon, tuna and sword fish sashimi
Spaghetti amatriciana
Roast beef, vegetables, Yorkshire puddings and gravy
A roast chicken
Thai red duck curry

Actually, stuff it I'd just suggest we have yum cha (dim sum).

The land of the free and the money back guarantee - shake and what?

American's love an instant fix. Want to eat the national savoury wrap of Mexico for breakfast? No worries all you need is a microwave.

Want to have the tan of a Miami call girl? Easy just spray yourself with some of Lindsay Lohan's snatch juice in a can.

And luckily now ladies you can have the arms of First Lady Michelle Obama without the work. It's easy just buy the Shake Weight. It's the only machine that readies your arms for providing gentlemen callers with light hand relief.

And all for the cost affordable price of $19.95. Is it wrong that I'm now craving Shake n' Bake?

The Urban Dictionary

English is a funny flawed language. But the good thing about it is that it poaches from other languages (tidal waves become tsunamis - well not literally because that would be all kinds of toilet if a tidal wave and a tsunami combined forces ala Voltron) and allows for improvisation and reinvention. Which is why I like to take a break from reading about how to get arms like Michelle Obama and visit the urban dictionary (no caps as it's all urban and shit) to discover new words.

Some of my recent favourites:

Lesbro
1. A man who has more friendships with lesbians than other women or men.
2. A man who befriends lesbians with the intent to seduce them.

Steve is such a lesbro. He doesn't have a chance with those women.

Bromance
Describes the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males.

Nonversation
A completely worthless conversation, wherein nothing is illuminated, explained or otherwise elaborated upon. Typically occurs at parties, bars or other events where meaningful conversation is nearly impossible.

Cewebrity
An internet personality that has attained celebrity.

Social Notworking
The practice of spending time unproductively on social-networking websites, especially when one should be working.

Remote Dance
The movements you make with your hand when trying to get your tv to recognize your remote control.

Laundry Limbo
Intentionally rewashing clothing simply because you don't feel like putting it away.

Lol Theory

The theory that the internet phrase lol,meaning "laugh out loud", can be placed at any part in any sentence and make said sentence lose all credibilty and seriousness.

1. Doc: We need to operate on your colon lol, you have cancer.

2. Jesus: Take this all of you and eat it, it is my body, lol.

3. Man: Will you marry me? Lol.

I feel like we have all learned something. Now back to Michelle Obama's arms...