In the future - 3D porn

Google's android phone wasn't the only thing giving techies boners at the recent Consumer Electronics Expo in Las Vegas (in fact what doesn't engage nerds' floppy drives?). The porn industry who were pioneers of VHS, DVD, internet and squirter technologies is now picking up where James Cameron left off and pushing for 3D movies in you home.

It is both interesting and slightly amusing how people's (well largely teenage boys') need to watch singles, couples, groups and whole netball teams partake in various strenuous forms of adult cuddles is basically responsible for a lot of technology we all take for granted today (like lovebeads for instance).

Speaking of The King of The World, well universe now I guess, and his promise that a more detailed cut of the Avatar sex scene will be on the BluRay release I can see a Navi porno coming on.

Either way I'm not sure I really want to see anyone's money-shot in 3D.

Avatar IMAX 3D

It is well known in film circles that James Cameron has been seeking a trilogy of his own (you can't let Intergalactic Obesity Spokesperson George Lucas have all the fun). This is a quest he started back in the '90's with Titanic. But sadly it all became too hard for Cameron when he realised that the subsequent two films would have to either star rusting metal or an old woman with a habit of throwing valuable gems into the ocean.

With FOX not being keen on either of these due to Rupert Murdoch's well founded fear of corroded metal (a problem he has to cope with when it comes to his burgundy hair exoskeleton), these plans were shelved (put away and not up someone's arse Stevie Nick's gacking style).

That is until through the wonders of technology, $310 million dollars, and Zoe Saldana, Cameron was finally able create a world (or moon in this case) that would allow him to merchandise with the best of them.

The result is - when experienced in IMAX 3-D - pure, euphoric sexy-times for your eye-holes. There are no two ways about it, watch the making-of below to see how they have fucked technology in every possible opening to capture the actor's performances and create a film (that while occasionally hackneyed in dialogue) will stay with you for days.

Cameron, luckily, kept Celine Dion well away from the soundtrack. Although having said that I'm not sure Leona Lewis is a better choice. The man does have a thing for wailing divas.

I'd give it 4 stars purely for the hours of debate that follow about Na'vi reproduction. Is it with those nifty ponytail conduits? And if so does that mean they also have sexy-times with their beasts and the trees? And if they do it with the plats then why do they wear loin cloths? What's under there? Do they have blue-bits? Or is it a dual-action above and below type procedure? Hawt. (Unless of course you are a human of 6ft compared to their 10ft)

But at least I have finally, after 26 years of searching, found my goal in life. I am going to be an Avatar.

This film is a documentary right?