Things with speech bubbles - not so secret love affair

You know they want to.

What a cunt: Steve Fielding

Current member of the Australian Senate Family First's Steve Fielding is not a cunt because of the fact that last year he spent tax payers money on a 'study tour' of the US for facts on climate change which consisted of meeting with creationists and fossil fuel funded interest groups, he is not a cunt because he babbles incoherently in senate debate after debate, or is he a cunt because he tries to force his far right Christian beliefs on a free nation, he's not even a cunt because in desperation at the most recent election he turned his back on everything he supposedly believes in and tried to cut a laughable preferance deal with The Sex Party to hold on to his senate seat, the reason he is a cunt is because devoid of media attention and relevance he has come out today and threatened to vote down every bill and block supply of the budget if the independents - who'll decide this mess of an election - decide to side with caretaker PM Julia Gillard instead of opposition leader Tony Abbott.

What a total Tuesday. There I said it.

Things with speech bubbles - A well travelled vagina

I've been to cities that never go brown...

Salt

What is it with Hollywood and remakes? Aussie director Phillip Noyce met rave reviews with his last local production Rabbit Proof Fence. But America being America, and Hollywood being Hollywood he was tapped to remake it for an American audience. After many re-writes the journey of government abducted indigenous girls back to their family became the journey of Angelina Jolie in search of a new hair style (from long and blonde to black and long and then black and short for those of you keeping tally).

I did however like how they managed to express the pain of losing your family to a racist government through the complex allegory of jumping from truck to car to truck to motor bike to police car. It was truly moving. Smartly the studio also insisted the title was changed to avoid any negative connotations against current US Secretary of Defence Bugs Bunny. Either way both Noyce, Jolie and the entire cast provide an interesting enough journey to keep you from resorting to mutual masturbation in the darkened safety of the cinema.

The land of the free and the money back guarantee - the Cami Secret

All of this election nervousness has made me retreat into reassuring pass times like watching infomercials and looking at tittays. But unfortunately there is an infomercial that enables the average Sue, Susie or Susan (You can guess which one is the slutty one, but my money would be on Susie) to keep their modesty intact. Whether set at 'high' 'medium' or 'slut' the innovative Cami Secret allows woman to close the fabric deficit in their tops and stop the nip-slips.

I think I may buy one for my art director to cover his arse crack when it hangs out of his jeans.

YouTube what did I do without you? Tarp Surfing

Just because.

Election 2010 Australia thinks about deciding - let's try viral

Now I'm no expect, but I think both Tony Abbott and PM Julia Gillard were doing it wrong at the Rooty Hill RSL last night. In my experience if you are going to knock-the-back-out-of-someone it is always a good idea to be on stage at the same time. No wonder the crowd was riled up, they'd come to see Gillard and Abbott finally give in to the sexual desires that lurk deep within their special places, but instead what we ended up with was two hours of self-love in front of a fairly partisan (if it wasn't partisan, then our dear lady PM is in trouble) audience.

To lighten the whole thing up both parties are now both getting viral. You Tube is littered with various videos, but two of the best are the Liberal's 'Whack Labor' game here and the ALP's create your own Tony Abbott billboard site at tonyabbottisright.com

Above are some of my efforts.

Election 2010 Australia thinks about deciding - Advertising for good

Cracking, powerful ad from Republic of Everyone on last night's Gruen Nation. While not quite the spine-tingling power of the topless Gillard dancing with indigenous elders on The Chaser's Yes We Canberra, it is proof that advertising doesn't always have to sell toilet cleaner to people with four toilets in their McMansions.

Election 2010 Australia thinks about deciding - Lolatham

Mark Latham brought his very own maniacal brand of thuggery to the election campaign and the Ekka over the weekend. Feeling right at home amongst the carnival clowns, former Labor leader Latham stood-over the lady PM as she was stranded within the media pack. While ridiculous as a whole, this election has been taken to even worse places by the media and what they're interested in.

However there was a voice of reason, with Nine News political editor (and Amanda Vanstone's twin brother - think He-Man and She-Ra only shapely) Laurie Oakes speaking out against his network for hiring the 'bile-filled' Latham to jizz some hate all over 60 Minutes.

I apologise to Oakes, as here I was thinking that he and his ranga hating ways had put Latham up to it so he could sneak off and join the cheese-on-a-stick and dagwood dog queue.

I do however love how Oakes always shows just a slight touch of ankle cleavage when he's sitting.

Election 2010 Australia thinks about deciding - The Next Generation

As confusing as this election may be, I was pleasantly surprised to turn on the television and realise that the Romulan High Command had finally put their hat in the ring. What would Australia's future be if it weren't tightly controlled by a disruptor not set on stun.

Election 2010 Australia thinks about deciding - Moving Forward Together

I had forgotten that the internationally recognised sign of 'all is forgiven and we are now moving forward - together' is the awkward and haphazard co-fingering of the map of the great state of Queensland.

Election 2010 Australia thinks about deciding - The seat of Wentworth

As frequently pointed out by the talking heads on the ABC's new 24 hour news channel (the creatively named ABC News24) election sounds like erection. A point which was seemingly not lost on the Malcolm Turnbull pamphlet drive in the seat of Wentworth today. More than how to vote cards were exchanged as the gathering become a pick up zone for the middle aged gay scene. Who says that men can't multi-task?

No doubt Tony Abbott would be concerned. Family First on the other hand would be issuing a jihad.

Election 2010 Australia thinks about deciding - Yes We Canberra!

Only two more weeks until we get to take our hard-earned experience of filling out KENO forms and use it to vote for the next parliament of Australia. This musical tribute to the sexiest female PM in the land (see what I did there?) is a reminder of how much the Chaser boys have been missed from TV. After negotiate (knee-go-sea-ate), I think they have to help the PM with devotee (or dee-vhoh-ooo-teeea).

Inception

In order to match the mind-bending flurry of Christoper Nolan's Inception I tried to write a review in my sleep. Sadly this is all I managed to type into my computer:

f\

Which isn't really any less insightful or unprofessional than my usual reviews, so I'm sticking with it. I do like the way that my unconscious mind used the little loved \ key. But I'll leave you and Leonardo DiCaprio (regular reader, anonymous commenter), Ellen Page (she is very handy at asking questions to clear up any plot holes), Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tom Hardy and the legendary Ken Watanabe to work out what the 'f' means (because I sure as hell don't know, I was asleep).

Just don't see this film in the IMAX it will make you sick.

Election 2010 Australia thinks about deciding - Yawn

So far the Australian Election has been strange and largely uninteresting even for someone with a hard on for elected officials like me. But some inspiration comes in the form of the aptly named Anthony Weiner. Congressman Weiner is seen here arguing for a bill that delivers health care to 9/11 rescue workers who suffer continuing health problems.

"The Gentleman is correct in sitting!" has already become my answer from everything from meetings, to ordering in Zambrero. Mmm tacos.



Thanks Harry.