It
must be tough being Kevin Michael Rudd MP. Every time that our glorious former Prime
Minister opens his fair-shake-of-the-tomato-sauce-hole to simply share his
musings people accuse him of broadcasting all kinds of subversive anti-Prime
Minister Gillard messages. But he’s not the problem. It’s you. You’re just not
hearing him right.
Being
a native born Queenslander myself, I speak more than a little Kevin, so I’d
like to help bridge the language barrier to allow you understand some of the
finer points in the Member for Griffiths’ 730 interview.
LEIGH
SALES: Mr Rudd, what a lot of Australians want to know about China is whether its
economy is fizzling or not…?
KEVIN RUDD, LABOR MP: The virtue of being here at the
World Economic Forum is being able to talk to not just Chinese officials and
Chinese ministers about this subject, but also those who study professionally
the Chinese economy.
TRANSLATION: Guess who knows Mandarin you rat-f*ckers? I do! Some Prime Ministers, don’t even have a handle on English.
LEIGH
SALES: Well we have had some debate here in Australia within the Government
about whether the mining boom is over or not…
KEVIN
RUDD: …Any student of the history of commodity prices know that it's much more
complex than that...Prices have come off… prices are now at their lowest that
they've been since 2009 - 30 per cent off in the last short few months - but
medium term, long term, frankly, there is robust demand here still.
TRANSLATION: I know history, in fact most modern history has been written in my honour. For example commodity prices were good in 2009. And in 2009 one K-Rudd was the big cheese in town. Ergo, give me my job back and we’ll all be rolling in bags of money, expensive chiffon muumuus and our own filth much like Gina Rinehart.
LEIGH
SALES: …this week the first lot of asylum seekers will arrive in Nauru under
Labor's new offshore processing policy… Are you comfortable with this policy?
KEVIN
RUDD: As I've said before, Leigh, I respect very much the judgment of the
minister, Chris Bowen. He's a good man, he applies a good conscience and good
mind to what is a difficult issue...
TRANSLATION: Join me members of the federal Labor caucus and you too will be made treasure of Australia and receive 40 virgins upon reaching the promised land, just like my good friend the very talented and very good looking Chris Bowen.
LEIGH
SALES: Mr Rudd, this is your first interview since the leadership challenge in
February. Why are you raising your profile now?
KEVIN RUDD: Well, actually, Leigh, that's quite wrong.
Last week or so I've had three general interviews with the media and … I've
been out and about doing other things.
TRANSLATION: How dare you. I am Kevin Rudd of Queensland, Prime Minister and UN General Secretary in waiting. There is no one with a higher profile than me.
LEIGH
SALES: It's a bit different to sitting down for sustained, scrutinised
questioning along one line though.
KEVIN
RUDD: Well, you can frame it as you so chose. The bottom line is if I look at
the fact that we face the prospect of Mr Abbott as the alternative prime
minister of Australia, it's important I lend my shoulder to the wheel as well
when it comes to making it clear to the Australian public what they'd be buying
on trust with Mr Abbott.
TRANSLATION: I used to be afraid of Mr Abbott, but I’m not anymore as this time I’m going to build a giant catapult that can only be operated by me applying my shoulder an entirely un-metaphorical wheel. You hear that Bill Shorten? Only my shoulder can operate the wheel.
LEIGH
SALES: …you recently said in a speech that the next election was winnable for
Labor, but afterwards you ducked a question on whether Labor could win with
Julia Gillard as the leader. Will you answer that now?
KEVIN
RUDD: Of course the Government can prevail against Mr Abbott at the next
election. And that's why I'm supporting the Government...
TRANSLATION: Leigh, you’ll have to start paying attention, of course we can win, didn’t you just hear me explain the giant catapult?
LEIGH
SALES: With Julia Gillard as the leader?
KEVIN
RUDD: ... under the Prime Minister's leadership to do so.
TRANSLATION: No silly, with me, the people’s Prime Minister.
LEIGH
SALES: Under Prime Minister Julia Gillard?
KEVIN RUDD: I just said that. Under Prime Minister
Gillard's leadership.
TRANSLATION: Could I be any clearer? With me, THE Prime Minister. Don’t you know how our system works? Like Highlander there can be only one.
KEVIN RUDD: And let me tell you, my voice won't be
silenced in the public debate...
TRANSLATION: Just like Nelson Mandela faced all those years ago, I too am the victim of child-hating, drink-spiking, militant forces trying to oppress and censor me, the glorious light-emitting big head on the hill, Kevin Rudd.
I hope that’s cleared everything up, I know Kevin would
hate you to miss his ever overstated point. I just wish I could help you
understand what exactly Clive Palmer was on about on Lateline last night. But
sadly that’s a dialect of Queenslander (kind of like Klingon) that not even I
understand.
- The full, un-translated version of the transcript is now
available on the 730 website.
