YouTube what did I do without you?

Fill two minutes of your employer’s time by watching this baby do his thing to Beyoncé (or as my Grandma calls her, "The Fiancée"). Speaking of my Grandmother she used to say, “You’ve got the devil in you today.” Although these days she just texts me about films she’s seen, “Inglorious Basterds – gory.”

Just watch the baby (the hand shake is my favourite) and pray that Calista Flockhart doesn’t get any ideas.

The land of the free and the money back guarantee: 1784 billion, trillion dollars

Some mofo (called Dalton?!) in the US is suing the Bank of America for 1784 billion, trillion human dollars. That’s more coin than the whole world has. 1784 billion, trillion dollars? Why with that kind of money Tori Spelling could almost afford to get her pole-boobs fixed.

He is so going to win. Why didn’t I think of this first? Probably because I just went to use an orange instead of my mouse.

Yeah that probably explains a lot. Read about Denny Crane's next case here. Although with a name like Dalton he should be suing his parents for a sextillion dollars.

If I won this case I would want to be paid in Cook Island dollars as they feature a nude woman riding a shark. Sick.

The Hotel of Doom Returns

I can only imagine the party at North Korea's National Steven Segal Museum (NSSM to locals) to celebrate the fact that the long maligned Hotel of Doom is now covered in glass on one of its three facades. Sure it is still the biggest fuck up in the history of pyramid shaped fuck ups, and is still highly unstable, un-occupiable and the hottest group sex spot for Pyongyang's pigeon population, but from this one angle it no longer has to be retouched out of the skyline on official postcards.

Apparently North Korean government types are going to wait and see if the glass remains in place before tackling the now shunned east and west faces of the building. The Hotel of Doom will never be used for anything but pigeon porn unless Kim Jong Il can find $2 billion dollars for the works structural works required. Something I believe he could do by selling his interests in the En Vogue back catalogue.

One thing I did however discover is that North Korea officially classes itself as a democracy. An interesting position for a state that hasn't held elections since its inception. Jong Il does love North Korea Idol though, so perhaps that's why the winners keep ending up as ministers in his government?

Learn more about this great marvel here.

People of Sydney: The dangers of eating at 11pm

A late post-work snack turned into an auditory experience as the three people at the table next to me blabbed loudly, sang show tunes and delivered a piece of real human dialogue that not even the Japanese government's cyborg amalgamation of The Coeh Brothers, Tarantino and Hunter S. Thompson could write. You just can't make something like that up.

Ingoriest Basterds

Any film that involves strudel, the consumption of strudel or Kevin Kostner normally tanks at the box office (see Message in a Bottle, The Postman, Tin Cup and Waterworld). But luckily for the genre-raiding self-referencing genius of Quentin Tarantino (not to be confused with Her Excellency Quentin Bryce AO - her films normally feature way more gore and language that can't be shown in a general release) this strudel curse seems to be lifted by his latest effort Inglourious Basterds.

Despite it's slightly bloated running length the film is funny, gory, heavy on Nazi scalping (as opposed to the Nazi bikini waxing of Fran Drescher's underrated The Fanny series of telemovies) and filled with tension. The opening scene in the farmhouse is cracking. But the film would be nothing without the talents of Christoph Waltz. Man that dude can act. Comedy. Villainy. Strudel eating. He can do it all.

My scalps off to you Mr. Waltz. (See what I did there?)

People of Sydney: The Oyster Bar, David Jones Foodhall

These unearthly beauties were perched mid-week at the Oyster Bar having an 'excuse my beauty' lunch. David Lynch would've cast them on the spot (and then made them kiss and chase each other in owl outfits on film).

Anvil the Story of Anvil

Sometimes inspiration comes to you in unexpected forms; like when Michael Jackson's image appeared to an obese American family in the bark of one of their trees; or in unexpected happenings; like the fact that America managed to elect President Obama (despite that fact that some confusingly accuse him of being a fascist, a communist, a socialist - and some how all three very differing ideologies all at the same time - and oh the fact he is, well, erm, you know, how do I say this without offending anyone? From Hawaii).

But Anvil the Story of Anvil is also one of those occasions. See it. You will laugh at the real Spinal Tapness of it all. You will cry at the strong man-love bond between Lips and Robb. And you will be inspired to hang on to your dream and make that shiznit happen (even if it takes you 30 years to get there).

Be 108% more successful in conference calls - rad combinations

Conference calls are almost more evil than the long fabeled devil spawn of Rush Limbaugh and Jennifer Lopez (it will eat your soul - much like Nick Cave - but also raid your medicine cabinent for prescription medication. All while it shakes its ample booty). But until R-Lo ends all our lives as we know it, conference calls have to be endured and survived.

The best way? Give yourself over to an A2 layout pad and see what happens. The theme here - rad combinations.

People of Sydney: Glamour at the Hilton

The above great beauty is a 60ish year old woman in a aqua fur coat and volumous red mane (some of it her's, some of the remaining thatch of someone's merkin) who I observed marching through the lobby of the Hitlon.