Friday 30 October 2009

Happy Halloween

Can't say I've ever celebrated Halloween, but the dressing up with your DT's over your pants I totally get, so I'm all for it. It is in this light that I wish you a happy Halloween the only way I know how - with the magic of Tengobalia and her leopard headdress.

I don't know why I find these videos so funny. Her face continues to be nearly as disturbing as her sweaty boobies. Watching her dance is like watching an car-crash not set in time to music. Either that or your parents having adult sexual intercourse. But hey that's what Halloween is all about scary strangers coming after you for your candy and sweaty tits.

Watching this I think I finally understand Dances with Wolves.

The land of the free and the money back guarantee - worst Halloween costume ever


America is a wild and wonderful place where shampoo comes by the gallon, guns are legal (and often offered up to house guests as a courtesy - true story). And yet strangely carrying your mobile phone anywhere but firmly clipped to the belt of your pants is a federal offence. One that carries the heavy penalty - a week in the audience of The View. Cripes.

Which is most likely the fate that these failed robbers will have to look forward to. The po-po pulled them over only to discover that these criminal masterminds had coloured Alicia Silverstone's Batgirl mask on their faces with permanent marker.

I mean come on. If you are going to colour your face for a disguise at least show some intellect. Buy a few extra colours and try your hand at a Spiderman, Wolverine, or a Hannah Montana mask. I know which one would be scarier for your victims.

Wednesday 28 October 2009

People of Sydney: Humpy Dumpy repairman


Humpy Dumpy wears his pants high.

Whatever Works


Woody Allen is well noted for his flaws and self-indulgences, like playing himself in every film, or more recently in casting Hugh Jackman and Javier Bardem to play him. I mean Jackman isn't even married to his own daughter. In fact I think Debra Lee Furness is actually his mother.

But in a welcome return to form (and more realistic self-casting in the ever acerbic Larry David) Whatever Works, well, works. That is of course unless you were the aged-pensioners sitting behind me in the Monday matinee showing. They were none to pleased with Allen's fourth-wall-breaking-direction.

Daughter marrying and reproducing or not, at least he doesn't looks as scary as Mia Farrow.

Tuesday 20 October 2009

A Pirate's Bounty




I can't tell you exactly where I got this rare and valuable pirate treasure from (think mermaids, ninjas and a cantelope) but it is a gem of the deep. A piece from a Pirate's booty. A treasure long lost to mankind (alien's would've found it as they love to probe).

I'm thinking about putting this lost piece of currency on ebay. But if you want to make an offer, I'd be willing to take $8 billion or a bowl of North Bondi Italian's crab spaghetti and a wristy. You know which ever is easier for you. Let me know.

Friday 16 October 2009

YouTube what did I do without you?

You promise, really promise to watch this?

The Swiss-Grand my arse!


To quote my good friend Ginger Steve, "Tell me what is Swiss or Grand about the Swiss-Grand in Bondi?" The little men couldn't give us an answer as they threw us all out of Tez's room. At least she and Laura got a tobogen run in (with the help of Big Al). Unfortunately Steve didn't get his bath. I think he's still dirty. Who wants to stay at the Piss-Bland anyway?

People of TV: Cruella de Coal


The ABC's Q&A can be informative, involving, illicit, illegitimate and in-vitro, but it can also occasionally put a face to the nefarious 'Thank you for Smoking' lobbyists that populate government halls.

Friday 2 October 2009

The land of the free and the money back guarantee: 15 minutes of shame


HOLY SHIT!

This is why you should never buy your boozed mother a webcam. Check out Tengobaila, a YouTube channel that shows off this woman’s ‘dancing’ skills. She is insane. Her face sometimes dances separately to her body. And her body always dances separately to the music. In her profile she declares she has ‘no race or age’ and ‘no allegiance to imaginary borders or countries.’ I guess the question is what good-medicine is she on, and how can I get some?

Her tributes to MJ are of the highest order (you may also notice that she likes to start each of her videos with a money shot):